flotsam, peeves

When I don’t sleep

I try listening to a podcast, with a sleep timer in case (a) I drift off (hopefully) but don’t want to miss the rest or (b) it proves so interesting that it keeps me up.

Sometimes I switch to a different podcast app, to listen to the Bible in a Year. Father Mike’s reading is soothing and what could be a better influence on my dreams than the Word?

But I might not fall asleep and while still being awake for a learning and prayer is good, I still hope to be asleep soon.

All the while, the sound machine tries to sooth me.

Why am I still awake?

Still not my bedroom
there is something wrong with me


The alarm goes off, and as I reach to turn it off, my thoughts – if they rise to the level of thoughts – are a groggy mix of thankful it’s the weekend and giving myself permission, as I roll over to resettle, to turn off the alarm, get my workout later, and skip trying to hit all my hourly steps today.

And then it comes back to me.

The evening call with Asia last night.

The restless, fitful mostly failed sleep attempt.

The fact that sleep finally came in the smallish hours, though not smallish enough.

The fact that it’s Tuesday. Not Saturday.


I guess I won’t be sleeping in, after all.

there is something wrong with me

Feeling ‘Blah’

Let me preface this with: I’m not sick. As I write this (versus when this posts – who knows by then), I haven’t been within six feet, ten feet, 25 feet of anyone, in ages.

So it’s not that. No worries there.

But I’m tired. Tired and sad and just blah.

(Real time update: I have been near other people – my family – on a limited basis. And that was so nice. Nevertheless I have a fresh dose of blah going on.)

This morning I overslept. I got my workout (Wii run) midday because I have this list to work through, and because I have a daily goal to meet, and then I made myself do the weights in the afternoon because seriously, if I didn’t move I might have just put my head down and slept.

I considered dumping more caffeine into my system, even knowing that afternoon caffeine would mess me up tonight, but my eye has been twitchy since lunchtime and so… nope.

It’s 5:30 pm as I write this. I’m 1800 steps from my 10k target and 4300 from my actual goal for the day and I want to go to bed now.

Which I am not going to do. In fact I bet if I strip the bed, I’ll have enough whites to do a load of laundry. And that will both make me move a little, and make me stay up at least long enough to put the bed back together.

Ech. Why do I feel so blah?

I feel like I’m underwater today so I thought I’d pull an image where that was a good thing… An awesome thing… An awesome time!

Maybe I just need an adventure?

Or something.

Also IRL yesterday was Julie’s birthday and I flubbed it. Sorry sweetie! Hope it was happy! 🎂