Pants on fire

Your package will be delivered by 4pm.

By 4:30pm it was plain that someone’s pants had already been on fire.

But at least the truck is less than a mile away.

Certainly it will arrive in the new 3 hour window we are promising.

Wait, do you smell smoke?

Your package is in the area and will be there shortly! Track your truck now!

The truck tracking shows the truck is now back at the central loading center (or close to it), some 27 miles away. If it turned around and drove back right now directly to me, it would maybe make the new delivery window. That seems… unlikely.

I call support.

No worries at all. Based on where we see it I can promise you it will be there by X:00, just 20 minutes from now.

I no sooner hang up with her than I get a notification:

Your package has been delivered! At your address. ID verified.

0% true. Someone surely burst into flames on that steaming pile of horse 💩

I mean seriously, I am right here. I can see my door. If anyone walked up to it or even drives by, the motion sensor lights up the street. I would know.

Call back.

OOPSY we delivered it to the wrong address but we will have the driver go collect it and bring it to you. And we will call you right back with an update.

Dude. Drop and roll. Drop. And. Roll.

1. No one called. I called them and then they acted like it was weird I was calling already. (Stop trying to gaslight me. Y’all lied to ME.)
2. FYI: If they delivered to the wrong address it was probably nowhere near here and exactly whose ID did they verify and why does this say it was delivered and signed for at the dock. (The whatnow? That wasn’t a giveaway, when delivering something that 150% makes it clear on the box what it is = not at all businessy?)

New delivery window has come and gone and also no update has been received. Shall we lay bets on what the status will be when they close operations for the night?

Tell me again how much more efficient “privatized” delivery services are, because I am underwhelmed with this example.

Update: I call them the next day and they say they retrieved the package and are sending it to me today. Oh and they will call me about it.

I’ll believe that when I see it, mmm-kay?

Update 2: They did NOT call. They did, however, deliver the missing package.