Hey you know what’s great? It’s great when technology gets updated and improved!

Hey you know what’s not great? When technology gets updated in a half-assed way.

What’s even less great? When it’s your bank that’s the one messing things up.

Like, say:

  • Announcing that there will be (undisclosed) “improvements” and then listing 6 things that will NOT carry over and will have to be manually redone by the user post-conversion
  • Taking not just the stated functionality offline for more than a week, but in fact all bill paying features whatsoever
  • Telling everyone there will be a new interface on the web site and app on (date) but not having it actually ready ON that date
  • Not being clear that it’s actually a NEW app, and which one it is.

In case you’re wondering, apparently I should get an email “sometime” today to let me know when my access is available. Which is not what they indicated in any communication to date.

And, you know, this is after it’s been offline for a week. And when I point out my account has been inaccessible for a week already they’re like, your account is still available online through the old interface.

Yeah, but without any bill paying functions at all.

Note to banks everywhere: Having access to my BANK BALANCE is not “access” in any useful way, dumbasses.

I’m shocked at what passes for customer experience these days, guys. Just shocked.

Update 1: The email arrives!

A completely non-intuitive process requires a new login. Done. Next screen.

Approve this set of terms. Approved. Next screen.

Approve this other set of terms. Approved. Ne-

Uh oh, our underlying services have a problem. No Can Do.

Oh Lord

Of course without getting past this page nothing can be accessed.

Lord in heaven.

Update 2: There’s no way to access their chat feature on my mobile phone. It says there is but there are two steps needed to activate that and the second one, true to form, does nothing.


Update 3: On hold for any kind of help… 20+ minutes and counting. Yeah I bet it’s busy over there. Because that’s what happens when you break shit, guys.

Update 4: Twenty-four minutes to get a human who is very nice but has to put me back on hold to contact another team to find out what’s happening.

Update 5: Their support team says it’s just volume because everyone is coming online at once. And I should try later.

Oh, you didn’t think of that? It didn’t occur to anyone that taking us all offline for a week was going to mean people wanted access as soon as you told them they could? Did you not stagger out out the emails for a reason??

Update 6: Several hours and multiple tries later, success.

So there’s that! Yay?

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