Moonshine

The commute is mostly dark. Until daylight savings ends, that will be the case.

For the most part I don’t see much sky per se, and when the horizon opens there is a consistent amount of nothing to see. But it’s not pitch black all the way, which is a nice change.

The reason is that – although I am never facing it until I arrive to the office – there’s a full moon this time.

So that was the one (literal) bright spot in my otherwise idiotic commute.

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My attitude is crap about the commute these days. We ran successfully for 18 months entirely virtually. I have no doubt people with face-to-face jobs felt otherwise but that is not me.

I am driving 90 miles each way to appear in an office where I have no internal clients, no direct colleagues, and almost no social interaction of any kind.

I’m more stilted on the phone here, hesitant to discuss project work with my team, because I know I can be overheard.

There’s ambient noise, the clatter of colleagues coming and going, the blow and rattle of the AC unit overhead, the ringing of distant phones. Some people thrive with the noise around them, would prefer, all things being equal, to always work in a coffee shop or similar for just such a reason. I am not one of those people.

I find that as much as I was getting burned out before without any clear break between time on and time off the clock, now I am not having that problem. What I have instead is resentment.

I should be thankful I have this job — and I am. I am.

But also, I resent the hell out of a climate-unfriendly, employee-unfriendly, COVID-unsafe work arrangement. I resent the way this commute throws me off, physically and mentally, for days before and after. I resent it to the point that I have literally no problem or stress about signing off when the day is officially over.

(Still not true 100%. I love my team, I have select clients that are a joy to work with.)

But aside from them, the reinstatement of commuting even part time, even with the manager who is okay with the absolute minimum (but sadly doesn’t have the authority to say, not needed don’t bother) makes me feel a lot of: You know what? F Off. towards everyone else in a decision-making position.

So that’s me and my craptastic attitude. How are you?