faith, flotsam

… and also relief

… because yes in all circumstances – even if it goes as badly as it is possible to go – God is good and God is faithful and God has always and can always be trusted and God is beyond gracious and God provides.

Yes. Yes, amen.

But also, the flesh breaks out in cold sweats in the night and feels queasy with anxiety.

Yes, the work thing was quite stressful.

Prayer helps; reminding myself who He is helps; reminding myself that it’s not all about me helps.

Still I wait to hear the outcome. A small cluster of pray-ers are praying with and for me.

Then there’s the actual Webex meeting and my camera is shaking slightly because I am shaking so hard the desk is moving, and I have to lift my elbows to make it look less like an earthquake is happening in my camera square.

And it’s actually so much less awful than we thought it was – and I’m ABSOLUTELY SURE that He interceded in that. And being just one tiny face on a meeting of faces means it’s ever so slightly easier to not let it be apparent that I’m tearful first with stress and then with relief and it’s good to get off the phone and have 2 minutes to cry good and hard with unadulterated relief, before my boss calls to follow up and says it went about as well as it is possible to go in the interim… and in another small mercy I’m able to get the tears out of my voice before the call comes.

Because awkward.

But also… relief.

Thank you LORD, Father, God. Thank you Lord Jesus. Thank you!

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