flotsam, there is something wrong with me

Bear with me

You probably notice, if you’ve been here for a while, that my posts are cyclical. I tell you about how I’m doing on my French lessons. How I’m following my workout regimen. That I’ve taken to coloring during online church services (a callback and upgrade from doodling on the church bulletin).

It all seems so silly, when there’s so much else going on.

But I guess that’s sort of the point. I need to think about something else, to keep myself busy.

I was self-isolated for weeks before our state’s official stay-at-home order. That order didn’t change anything for how I live, yet it still hit me hard.

[external: Pandemic-onomics ]

It’s difficult to say how much of the good cry I needed that night was the enormity that this is needed for our society to minimize future grief – who can possibly process what we’re collectively facing? – and how much was self-pity that I’m going to be alone here for the undefined future?

Thinking about whether I got my steps this hour (of course I did) keeps me from wondering if my grocery delivery exposed me to coronavirus. Obsessing about my Duolingo streak (1020 days, yesterday) helps me not obsess over whether my parents are being safe enough, if my sister and her family, if my friends, if you all are doing okay.

I know God is good and He is still in control, and He knows the end from the beginning. I trust Him, and I set down my fears – but I still feel like keeping myself busy, focusing on what is helpful, healthy, positive, even all this nonsense I post about, helps me not pick my fears back up quite so often.

These bits of silly help me feel normalish.

So thank you for bearing with me while I share my flotsam.

I hope you’re finding ways to hold on too.

And please, please, stay healthy, friends.

Northern lights. Taken when I went to Iceland.

1 thought on “Bear with me”

  1. One benefit of staying home: I’m shooting for that hourly 250-step Fitbit goal every day, and pretty much crushing it. That never happens in the office, because I feel silly doing laps around the open floor in front of my coworkers. I may emerge from this whole thing a bit leaner yet!

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