flotsam, there is something wrong with me


Since returning home I’ve heard directly or indirectly from everyone from my Asia cruise gang.

Well, except the one person.

I mean, technically, he was the first person I heard from. But we stopped being in contact even before I heard from the rest of the gang. Way back at the new year.

Now he and I keep leaving each other off messages to the rest of the group as they circulate. We’re both talking to everyone else, as evidenced by messages from others that seem to reference separate conversations, but we exclude one another.

I know from the outside, it sounds childish and silly.

But distance is good. Separation is necessary. The blocks exist for reasons. It’s better this way.

And yet.

It’s weird, holding two conflicting sets of feelings.

Though if I think about it, I should be good at conflicted, really. I have so much practice.

But some things are not meant to be. Never were meant to be. And there is no point in even entertaining thoughts of any other scenario.