At 9:00 my reminder tells me to wind down for bed. At 9:30 I should be settling in for sleep. At 10:11 I give myself a mental shake: I might not feel tired, exactly, but the morning will be terrible if I don’t, in fact, get to bed.
So I do. But then, it’s hours of slow time. Tossing, turning. My mind is loud, churning. White noise, or Pandora, devices off, devices on, devices off again, periodically alert to small noises that mean nothing, just because I am restless and wakeful.
11:00 12:00 1:00 2:00
At 2:30 I am still awake, trying to decide whether to just scrap the whole thing. Technically 3:30ish is the cutoff, the point after which I can’t get a full sleep cycle before the alarm.
But somewhere in that final window, I do sleep. One cycle, and perhaps a piece into the next because when the alarm goes off I am briefly confused, as if I’ve just been testing the alarm and not that it’s time, as if I could just turn it off and wait for it to alert me later when I need to get up…
Oh. That’s now.
So I’m up; in short order readied, out the door and on the road. It’s rainy and dark – even when I arrive – and halfway there I am awake but vaguely wondering if I’d know if I was only dreaming the drive, then switching to music because having that thought probably means I’m up but who can be sure.