Too late to go back to bed

It’s not a good sign, when I’m waking up at 4AM on work days already thinking about (read as, worried about) the day ahead. I mean, it wasn’t a good sign when I’d wake up over the weekend, either, but on the weekend if I get up and putter around the house or play on the computer for an hour to take my mind off it, or jot notes to help me toward some kind of progress, I can go back to bed. On Saturday, in fact, I was up from 3 to 4:30 and then went back and got almost another full night’s sleep.

It’s Monday morning, and the 4AM anxiety-ridden wake-up was not pleasant.

I prayed quickly before I pulled myself out of bed… No I’m not equipped for the project, the day ahead, or anything else apart from Him. Though it’s uncomfortable, it’s probably good to be always aware of it. It’s not so good to be worried, which is why I needed to remind myself that I am in His hands, and He is good, is able, is faithful and trustworthy and… and… and…

Breathe.

I jotted notes for the first meeting of the morning. I tinkered on the computer. I realized that I hadn’t attached the strap to my new camera (Oh yes I did!) and that it’s actually critical equipment (particularly for the clumsy), so I spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to figure out how that worked. I tinkered on the computer some more.

And in the distance I heard the sound of my warning alarm. The first alarm of the day, the one I don’t have to get up for, but it’s a short window until I do and something to penetrate the fog of deep sleep is occasionally needed.

Not so much today.

I know I’m going to want these two hours of sleep back later. I know I should have gone back to bed.

There goes the second alarm. NOW it’s time to get up. Up and at ’em!

Oh Lord, be my rest.
Go with me today.
Go ahead of me today.
Go instead of me today.