Here’s the thing about grocery delivery: it means that I can go from no food to a full freezer in moments. Well, I mean, if you ignore the whole “time to choose items online” and “scheduling a delivery” and “waiting for the delivery guy to arrive” – THEN it seems like just moments. You know, the moments it takes to open the door and have a pile of groceries arrive.
Here’s the thing about getting a grocery delivery in 90-degree weather: it means that you are racing your groceries into the fridge and freezer with a little bit more speed and a little bit less care than you might otherwise, to try to beat the clock.
Here’s the thing about groceries that you didn’t pack and that you’re hurrying into the freezer as fast as your hands will let you do it: you don’t notice that there’s a package of ground beef that is essentially hemorrhaging until it’s already in motion.
Here’s the thing about moving an extremely leaky package at high speed: it flings liquid in all directions.
Here’s the thing about the liquid that flies in all directions out of that package of meat: it makes it look like a grisly murder took place right in your kitchen.
Here’s the thing about a meat-bloodied kitchen: even though you know it’s not your blood, it still grosses you out and makes you feel squidgy… enough to at least briefly consider vegetarianism.
Here’s the thing about vegetarianism: bacon isn’t allowed. So obviously that’s out.
The kitchen’s been cleaned up. But first… ick.