The boy is back in town.
He flew. He never flies. He hates to fly. But he hates that he hates to fly, so he made himself do it, to face the fear, and I’m really proud of him for doing that.
So he’s here.
And that is awesome.
But if I thought I was going to get any more clarity by virtue of him coming here, I was sorely mistaken.
He can’t really tell me how long he’s going to be here. He knows he needs to get back to FL for his dad’s followup appointments, but he doesn’t seem to have any kind of plan around it. He can’t tell me if he’s just popping back there for those events, or if he’s really just popping up here for the moment. He doesn’t seem to have a sense of whether he’ll be clearing out of his apartment up here, or whether he’ll continue maintaining two residences. He can’t tell me whether he’ll be around to join me for this event or that event…
Apparently he has lost the capacity to plan beyond the current weekend. And it’s starting to irk me, in all honesty:
The boy called me two weeks prior to his arrival to suggest I take a Friday off so the two of us could go do something. Catch that again: he contacted me and suggested we do something. I confirmed (and reconfirmed) the dates he meant, and we discussed it (by phone and email) and I made some suggestions (as if I didn’t know which things he’d be most interested in), and we made a plan. And then, as we discussed, I took the key day off from work, and I confirmed this with him via email so he would have the info he needed at his fingertips when he made the reservations.
Except he didn’t make the reservations. In fact, when I mentioned it to him with less than a week to go, he didn’t even seem to be clear on the fact that we had made a plan. Dude, I took time off from work. Seriously?
So he asked me, as if we had not already settled this, if I wanted to do exactly the thing we had planned to do (which, for the record, is not necessarily my first choice but I suggested it because I know it’s something he enjoys and I don’t loathe… and he chose it… therefore, also for the record, I have neither the inclination nor the “right” to complain about it), and he handed me his CC, and *I* made the reservations.
Gentlemen, here’s a couple of tidbits for you: First of all, women like it when you make a plan. (If you have a history of making plans that she absolutely hates, then maybe she would like it if you conferred with her on the plan first. You’ll notice the boy asked me for suggestions.You’ll also notice that I’ve lost my complaining rights by virtue of having had a say in the outcome.) Second, women like it even more when you follow through on the plan; it tells them you put in thought and time and energy. Women like it a lot less when you leave the details of completing your plan up to them, like we didn’t have enough to do in the course of our day.
Dude, it was your idea.
Meanwhile, a friend invited me to their daughter’s wedding. And for once (hello people, take note here) they invited me “and guest.” Which is awesome because (again, people, take note) I am a grown woman. It is entirely possible that I could have an “and guest” waiting in the wings. For crying out loud, half the world assumes my life simply must be empty and meaningless in the absence of a companion, and yet these self-same people usually invite me to paired-off events as a solo. What the heck is that about? Surely you can’t be happy that way, but please come to this or that event alone.
So, bless my friend for including an “and guest” as an option for me. But, well, okay, let’s face it, there’s no one on the horizon who would be an appropriate companion. (Awkward, in light of all my griping about this issue, right?)
Still, I appreciate the acknowledgement of the possibility.
Anyway, the boy is back. The boy knows at least some of the parties involved. The boy an easygoing sort whose company I enjoy. It would seem like a good fit…
Except he can’t give me an answer. He says he can’t plan that far ahead. (And I believe that’s actually the issue, and not that the idea of going to a wedding with me is freaking him out.) He sounds really stressed at the idea that I need him to plan ahead. Look, I know that life is uncertain, but that is just so irksome. A wedding is the sort of event where people appreciate having a headcount, and usually they want it more than a few days ahead.
Seriously, that is just really unhelpful.
I don’t think he’s trying to be passive-aggressive. I don’t think he’s trying to send me signals. (We’re not even really dating. So it’s seriously not necessary, not like either of us to play games, and anyway why on earth would he bother to come up here and suggest plans with me if he was trying to give me the brush off?)
The long and the short of it
Honestly, I think that he’s still got some uncertainty about his Dad’s situation going on, and it feels like it’s hanging over him. He’s not going to rest easy for another 3 months until the next test results. Unfortunately – I know if he doesn’t – even in the best case scenario wherein they give him good news, they will then tell him his dad needs to be checked again in another three months, just to be sure. And then another 3 months, just to be sure. And this is going to go on for the next couple of years at the very least and probably (with ever-widening windows) for the rest of his father’s life. If he’s going to put everything on hold until this is “resolved” he’s going to miss out on a lot of living.
And other than adding this to the extensive list of things I pray for him, there’s really not much I can to help him with it.