flotsam, there is something wrong with me

Pinned for safety

Safety pin, photo taken in Japan
Image via Wikipedia

It has come to my attention that an alarming amount of my clothing is being held together with safety pins.

There are three basic reasons for this:

  • I hate to shop.
  • I don’t sew. (I don’t own a sewing machine, and can barely manage button replacement by hand.)
  • Much of my clothing is badly designed.

The phrase “badly designed” is used loosely there, because it encompasses actual design categories (women are NOT all “triangles” or “rectangles” or whatever the current stream of designs is based on; I’m an hourglass shape and that means a lot of things look boxy or baggy or shapeless – or they go the other way and look slutty – when I put them on) and quality issues (stitching that unravels, lightweight thread, hooks with sharp edges that tend to cut the threads that bind them, etc).

(Don’t say it. Yes, I know about “What Not to Wear.” The show is gold in terms of better understanding what to look for when your body shape isn’t whatever the fashion industry has decided is “right” for the moment. Disclaimer: If my friends ever submit me to it, however, the friendship will end so fast they won’t know what hit them. Personal guidance and a new wardrobe are not fair compensation for public humiliation, in my opinion. Plus all those hidden cameras they put in people’s homes? Um… I live alone. I don’t abide by a lot of “boundaries” in my private space; and what I wear in the house (or don’t wear in the house!) is meant for no uninvited eyes.)

And I know that I could spend more, or more often, and I know that this is America and they do actually sell sewing machines, if I was so inclined and/or had any space whatsoever to put a sewing machine in. …into which to put a sewing machine. Cumbersome. Nevermind.

Bah. I’ve grown accustomed to the fact that there are certain blouses I need to apply pins to in key places, against the possibility of strategic button failure; what we now call a “wardrobe malfunction.”

I love that one jacket with the fancy buttons so much that the fact that the buttons have a rough edge that actually slices through thread (I reattached those buttons a lot of times before I discovered that was the issue) is happily overlooked now that I know safety pins will hold them in place even more securely. (I just have to remember to keep the jacket buttoned because while extremely functional the pin solution is, shall we say, a tad unusual and somewhat embarrassing.)

Not as embarrassing as the one shirt that was so shapeless on me (especially once I rediscovered my waistline) that it’s been entirely altered with safety pins.

You know what? I think I just need to go shopping. Suck it up, own it, buy new clothes.




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