There should be a snooze button on the smoke alarm, for when the battery starts to wind down in the wee hours of the morning. I can’t be expected to be up on a chair, trying to change batteries on my tippy toes with eyes bleary and unfocused. And have mercy if I don’t actually have a replacement battery available at that moment. Jeez, what do parents of small children do when the whole household is awakened, complete with freshly-wailing baby? I shudder to think. (You remember that episode of Friends where Phoebe’s alarm keeps beeping and even taking the battery out doesn’t make it stop? Yeah, that’s what happens here.) Seriously, where is the setting for, “Yes, I know, the battery is low. And the battery is very important. However, resolving this NOW is simply not feasible. I promise to do something about it. Another 6-8 hours from now, feel free to remind me again.”? Or, you know… just some kind of sensor that checks what time it is and beeps the reminder… but not between the hours of 10PM and 7AM.
Also, there should be a way to block ads on TV. I know, I know. There’s DVR. But for us Luddites who don’t have a DVR, I mean. Well, actually, even for those who do have DVRs… why isn’t there some acceptable-limit threshold on the number of times I have to see the same commercial before I can block it entirely? As in, “Don’t show me this any more. Not even I could fast-forward past it, because even that is too much exposure.” For instance, I don’t watch horror movies, and so I pretty much can’t watch TV at all in October. I can’t watch the movie trailers; they’ll give me nightmares. Even if I had a DVR, it would just mean that I would have to pay moderate attention to fast-forward without missing whatever I’d recorded, and generally that’s not imagery I want in my brain.
But I don’t have a DVR, so I am stuck with real-time disgust. The channel I’ve been watching this movie marathon on is just BEATING THE HELL out of the latest exorcism-themed movie (which I am intentionally NOT naming because I am NOT providing them any indirect advertising herein). Even if this was something more innocuous, the commercial has come on enough times that it might well be considered a form of torture. And because I am SO TOTALLY NOT their target market, even one of those commercials was more than I needed to see. Or listen to (so as soon as I hear it coming on, I have to mute my TV, because I do NOT want to hear it). I’m never going to see this movie, nor any other of its ilk, so I am a wasted “View” for the advertiser. No amount of showing me this would even remotely make me want to see this piece of crap, let alone a repeat at every. single. commercial. break. Where is the sensor to say that if the commercial has already played X times to my TV unit, I don’t have to see it anymore? Incidentally I also don’t need to see ads for erectile dysfunction, and I’m sure there’s plenty of people out there who’d be happy to never see another commercial for any form of feminine hygiene product. Where is the button for us to tell someone, “Look, I understand you sell advertising and therefore I have to see commercials. Show me something else. Almost anything else would be preferable.”?