Rules for the Ladies Room

Public restroom.
Image via Wikipedia

Here are the top 5 things I’d really like to tell people in the office ladies room lately:

  1. Flush. I can’t believe that in a professional setting I need to say this, but apparently I do. Seriously people, we teach our kids this; are we really not able to remember to do it ourselves? Flush.The.Toilet. No one wants to see what you left behind. Flush more than once if necessary. Flush using your foot or mummify your hand first, if it’s a matter of trying not to touch anything.
  2. In kind: clean up anything you leave behind on the seat. Honestly, if your aim is bad, you should not be doing the hover-and-pee thing anyway. Use seat covers, cover the seat with TP, bring sanitary wipes in with you to clean the area first; whatever you need to do to enable you to get close enough to the seat that you’re not leaving puddles. But if you DO leave puddles, or the mummified seat, or whatever, clean all of that up for the next person, OK? ‘Cause, yeah, I get that — germ-phobe that you are — you don’t want to go anywhere near the seat, even to clean up your own pee. But can you imagine how much less the next person does?
  3. It’s really nice for you, if you don’t have any issues about sharing your bodily functions with others, but this is not a conference room. I don’t want to hold meetings through the walls. Talk to me or each other at the sink. Better yet, talk outside in the hall, and leave the people in the stalls to their own business.
  4. I don’t understand why you’re OK with taking phone calls while you’re in the bathroom (personally I wouldn’t want to be talking to you while that’s going on) but even if you are, this is not your private bathroom in your house. You are not alone. The person in the next stall may not be as OK with sharing this personal time with your caller. Your caller is probably not 100% OK with the all-too-obvious sounds of flushing in the background. Unless this is a life-and-death-honestly-cannot-wait-another-second-emergency, get off the phone and call the person back in 2 minutes, from outside the bathroom. Please.
  5. This is much more a men’s room issue in general (HELLO GENTLEMEN, PAY ATTENTION HERE!) because a lot of women are apparently becoming prisoners in the bathroom rather than touch the door post-wash. But it still bears repeating: Wash. Your. Hands. I don’t care what you just did or didn’t do. I don’t care if you were just in there changing clothes, for goodness sake. You were still in a less-than-sanitary area, and you almost certainly touched at least one less-than-hygenic surface in the process. Before you go out into the world to touch anything else or eat or shake hands with me, please please please, for the love of God and all that is holy, wash your hands. If we could all count on each other to do this, then we would not all have to live in fear of touching the doors on the way out.

What public-restroom rules would you add?